if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
