It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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