i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
