dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
