Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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