I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
