Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
