It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
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i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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