i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
