More tranny stories later!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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