I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
