Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
