i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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