come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
