I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
