google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
