How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
