Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
