dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
