i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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