I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
