I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
