I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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