I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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