I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
