im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
