Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
