it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
