and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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