You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
