Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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