At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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