she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
