My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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