She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Randomize