WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
