I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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