Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
