Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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