He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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