He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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