She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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