I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
