Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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