Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
