remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
