I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
