but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
