he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
