tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We are all done wearing pants today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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