Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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