My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
