Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
