So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
