the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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