I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
