When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize