why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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