the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
