I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
