if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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