Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
