No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My vagina just clenched in fear
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
