I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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