do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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