Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i think i just lost a toe
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
