sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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