I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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