I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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