I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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