I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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