Ketchup is God's man juice
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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