I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Someone shattered a urinal.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
