i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
whose parrot is this?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
