Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
