I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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