Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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