I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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