Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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