Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
